Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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