swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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