yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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