I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
