I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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