I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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