i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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