$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
