Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
