I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
