I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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