So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
