I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
