He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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