I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
