i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
