My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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