it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
