Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
