apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
