if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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