You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
