i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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