You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
