the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
