There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize