The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
