How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize