You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
