I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
