Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
