i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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