This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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