She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
