he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
