The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
