Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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