We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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