I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
