he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
