i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
