I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
