well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
