I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
