She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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