i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
