I can text with my tongue
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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