like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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