I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
