Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
