so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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