friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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