the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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