Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
