Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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