I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
