Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
