oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
two words: eviction party
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
