yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
