ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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