wat bout pragnant strippers??
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
