A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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