Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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