I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
