ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
