Why are handjobs necessary in class?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
