If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
