did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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