is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
