Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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